Monthly Archives: March 2011

Lady Gaga Botches the Bible In New Song

Lady Gaga engaged in a Google chat the other day, dropping some new details about the follow-up to her mega-smash “Born This Way,” to be called “Judas”:

“It’s no surprise, I’m sure, to many of you, that Judas is a man of the Biblical sense, so expect to see some symbolism in this video,” Gaga said, going on to recite a few lines from the song:

Um, yes, Gaga. Judas is a man of “the Biblical sense.” Here’s some sample lyrics:

“When he comes to me, I am ready/ I’ll wash his feet with my hair if he needs/ Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain/ Even after three times, he betrays me/ I’ll bring him down, a king with no crown.”

The lyrics are clunky, but more pertinently, they contain a botched allusion: Peter, not Judas, is the man who denied Jesus three times. More weirdly, what Judas actually did makes for more compelling imagery: he betrayed Jesus with a kiss. Did no one notice this error? (Why didn’t she?)

Oh, and, no surprise, kids: “Judas” is a RedOne production. Britney Spears had Max Martin, and Lady Gaga has RedOne. The lesson is this: you might branch out, but you always come back to the guy whose song put you on the map.

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I’m Alive!

I’ve been distracted by the release of the best pop album of the decade (well, since 2010 began, anyway), Femme Fatale.

Trouble for Me, I Wanna Go, and Trip to Your Heart will change your lives!

Buy the album when it comes out on March 29th — or, better yet, the Premium Fan Edition!

More updates soon.

PS — Psst…I dragged Slant Magazine’s flop review of Femme Fatale, which asked what Britney’s appeal was:

Well, let’s try to answer your question: what is Britney’s appeal?

Obviously, much of her appeal depends upon the legacy she built during her first five years, which, in case you were in a coma for, were some of the most explosive that pop culture ever had the pleasure of experiencing. She was as ubiquitous and bombastic as Lady Gaga is today — without all of the haughty pretension that the latter is currently infecting the pop scene with. From the Catholic schoolgirl outfit (Britney’s idea) to the iconic VMA performances from ’00 (the glittery faux-nude outfit), ’01 (the snake) and ’03 (the Madonna kiss), to her world-class dancing, Britney always delivered a hypnotic, intoxicating set of imagery to go along with her world-class pop. She and her collaborators have delivered so many gems to us — …Baby One More Time, Oops!…I Did It Again, I’m a Slave 4 U, Toxic, Womanizer, and so on. Many of her hits were indeed co-written by her (including Me Against the Music and Everytime), but I don’t see why that matters. (By the way: who chose Toxic as a single? Who came up with the video idea? Britney. You don’t know that, of course, because Britney doesn’t care about getting all the credit, unlike some arrogant pop stars that I can think of.)

But quite frankly, much of her musical appeal is her distinct, unique voice. People confuse having a powerhouse voice with the ability to sing well. Britney Spears’ voice is, quite honestly, fantastic. It’s wonderful for pop. It’s got a thin, sexy, girlish quality that is also found in the likes of Kylie Minogue, another pop queen who confounds the critics. Those types of voices are perfect for sexy, minor-key-dominant pop. Ask yourself if Christina Aguilera could have ever pulled off a song like Kylie’s “Chocolate” or Britney’s “Breathe On Me.” Or even some of the new songs, like “(Drop Dead) Beautiful,” “Trip to Your Heart,” and “Trouble for Me.” Only a singer with Britney’s voice could have pulled those off. She is the essential ingredient in her music. Her songs wouldn’t work in the hands of Katy Perry or Rihanna. Hers is one of the only voices in the industry that is not interchangeable with someone else. It’s absolutely anything but generic.

And as for songwriting? Rihanna’s “Loud” has no credits to her but her voice. Mariah Carey doesn’t write her own songs. Beyonce steals songwriting credits, for God’s sake. But no one constantly criticizes them for their “lack of involvement” on their records — even though, as I’ve mentioned, Britney indeed has written or helped write a few of her big hits!

Is the reason that you people don’t ‘get’ this that Britney doesn’t care about promoting herself as the second coming, like Lady Gaga does? Thank God for it — the woman is as down-to-earth as it comes. She’d never go out there like Lady Gaga, talking about “giving birth to a new race” because of her cultural appeal. She is delightfully appealing as a person because she tries so hard to maintain some sense of normalcy. And my God, she was nearly destroyed by the media culture that created her — but she, unlike Elvis, unlike Whitney Houston, unlike Michael Jackson — came back and overcame her problems. She could have ended up destroyed like those other icons. She didn’t. She came back to hit #1 again and again and again. She’s had three #1s since her big comeback. It’s absolutely amazing, and not enough credit is given to her for how much she’s had to deal with and what she’s overcome. Maybe she made herself a target for stupid media critics, but she’s remained a real person throughout everything. She’s just the whole freakin’ pop package and I don’t understand why this is so difficult to understand.

Dragged that ho!

Look What I Found!

“Government Hooker” (?) Remix Clip Drops

Skip to 1:30 for the relevant section:

Very good. The melody is outstanding, and if someone like RedOne is at the helm, it’ll be a smash. This is just a remix, and it’s mid-quality, since it debuted at some random-ass fashion show — but I can already tell that the song is Grade-A pop. (The title is worthy of nothing but eye-rolls, though. “Government Hooker”? Well, aren’t we edgy…)

The trouble is that, even as I’ll listen to quality pop songs like this, I’ll have this inescapable knowledge that that woman is singing the song. Can’t we hand this to Katy Perry instead?

Little Monsters Speak Out: Examples of the “New Race, Free From Hate”

A sampling from the comments section:

No1curr tampon face

LMAO FUCK YOU CRAPNEY SHITNEY PIGNEY
SHITNEY CANT FUCKING SING

Fuck off and die of Cancer, cunt. People like you are the scum of the Earth. You twist repressed people into believing your filthy lies. You turn them away from the one person who can help them.

ASSHOLE KNEPPER! GAGA WILL BEAT CRAPNEY ALWAYS.

RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY RIP SHITNEY

Hold It Against Me= Gayest song of the year, Britney make your own damn music, quit trying to copy dubstep and trance. You fucking lose at life. You shaved your damn head for attention, just do another quick lipsync tour and take your millions, shove it up your ass, and take a vacation, no one wants to hear you sing anymore

I hate britney because britney’s fans hate Gaga

Okay, that’s it. I swear if this comparision thing between Britney and Gaga doesn’t stop, I’m going to get some Monsters and we will fuck up Britney’s forum.

These are the norm, not the exceptions. Go look for yourself.

How’s that “new race” that “doesn’t judge,” “doesn’t hate,” and “doesn’t bully” working out?