Monthly Archives: April 2011

The Lady Lies About Lip-Syncing

The video title really says it all.

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More Bad News for Gaga

* The “Glee” episode featuring “Born This Way” served up the season’s lowest ratings.

* “Judas” has slipped to #19 on the iTunes chart and is currently sitting below “Born This Way” in both its original and Glee manifestations.

* “Judas” is losing major steam at pop radio, failing to match even half of the spins that “Born This Way” had by this time.

* Rather than rising to the Top 5 as I’d originally anticipated, “Judas” actually slips on the Hot 100 this week to #12, yet again being beaten by Britney’s “Till the World Ends” by one position.

* Gaga’s “Ellen” performance is running into early mixed reviews.

Perhaps the video premiere of “Judas” on American Idol — is anyone else shocked that the show that wouldn’t let Pink sing “U + Ur Hand” is allowing this video to premiere there? — will save this song, but right now it’s off to a slow start. As “Till the World Ends” proves, a song can recover from a slow start, but it’s looking bad so far, especially since “Born This Way” is still outpacing it.

Gaga Performs “Judas” On Ellen

Uh-oh. This didn’t go very well.

She can sing and she can dance — but she, like just about everyone else, cannot do both at the same time. She’s going to find that, like Janet, Ciara, or Britney 2000-2004, she’ll have to sacrifice live singing if she wants to properly execute the choreography, or else stop dancing when she wants to sing. If you try to do both at the same time, it ends up making both look kinda sloppy. And that’s what this performance was: sloppy. It started out alright but everything kinda broke down about halfway through.

“Judas” Enters Billboard Hot 100 at #10

The final tally is in: “Judas” has managed to debut at #10 on the Billboard Hot 100, selling about 175,000 copies and becoming Gaga’s eighth top-ten hit in just three years.

Given that “Born This Way” stormed the charts at #1 with almost 450,000 copies sold in three days, “Judas'” tally is something of a disappointment for Lady Gaga. “Judas” is also on pace to rack up only half of the initial radio spins that “Born This Way” did.

A spot below Britney Spears’ “Till the World Ends” — Britney also received credit for her “S&M” remix with Rihanna, becoming her fifth #1 and Rihanna’s tenth — the second-week fate of “Judas” is uncertain, having already slipped to #3 on iTunes after a continuous — and still-occurring — decline. The mixed reaction to the song, coupled with the backlash over the NME interview, could cause a bit of trouble for her as she enters the final month before the much-hyped album release of “Born This Way.”

From the “Just Go Away Now, Please” Files: “You must honor your vomit”

More of the increasingly-bizarre NME interview has been released:

Lady Gaga is at it again making her strange comparisons about her creative talent. In her recent interview for NME, Lady Gaga says that you “must honor your vomit.”

One of Lady Gaga’s new songs “15 minutes of vomiting,” was explained by the pop diva in this interview. Her creative process consists of “15 minutes of vomiting and then days, weeks, months and years of fine tuning.”

This is where she chimes in with “you must honor your vomit,” according to the magazine.

This is where you need to like, go away. Go calm down, take fifteen minutes to breathe, and come back to us sane. Bye now!

New NME Interview: Is Lady Gaga Stable?

Oh, Gaga…

Just when I was ready to grant Lady Gaga some goodwill — I love “Judas” and quite liked the Born This Way cover — here drops this interview, in which she comes across as not only delusional, but a bit unstable:

A bit of it does sound quite a lot like ‘Express Yourself’, though, doesn’t it?

“I don’t think… I swear to you. I am not stupid enough to put out a record and be that moronic.”

The reference seemed so obvious that it had to be intentional because, as you say, you’re not stupid…

“No. Listen to me. Why the fuck…? I’m a songwriter. I’ve written loads of music. Why would I try to put out a song and think I’m getting one over on everybody? That’s retarded. What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about. I will look you in your eyes and tell you that I am not dumb enough or moronic enough to think that you are dumb enough or moronic enough not to see that I would have stolen a melody. If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It’s the same one that’s been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I’m the first fucking artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn’t mean I’m a plagiarist, it means that I’m fucking smart. Sorry.”

The criticism did seem to take the wind out of the song’s sails.

“There’s a lot of people who want to see me fail. The minute they see something to shoot at, they shoot, and the bigger I become the bigger target I am. Nobody in this room at any point looked around and said ‘Oh my God, it’s ‘Express Yourself’. ‘ Not once. Listen. I swear to you. I can only be honest with you about it.”

What will people say about ‘Judas’?

“I dunno… I think they will really love it. (Starting to well up) I just don’t want my fans… I don’t know. This is exhausting. I just don’t wanna perpetuate that shit. I’m sure you want to address it but it’s just so ridiculous. I was just fucking shellshocked by it. It’s so funny to hear you say, ‘It must have been a homage’, I’m like, NO. When I homage, I fucking homage with a big sign saying I’ve done it. Why would I not do that now? (Sighs) I just like… I just have to say… (Starts crying) I feel like honestly that God sent me those lyrics and that melody. When you feel a message to give to the world and people are shooting arrows at it… there’s no way for something that pure to be wrong. (Reaches for Marilyn Monroe lighter) I need a cigarette.”

A few comments.

(1) It’s likely that nobody told her that it sounded like “Express Yourself” because of the kind of attitude she displayed here. She surrounds herself with sycophants who tell her how artistic, brilliant, beautiful and talented she is. Anyone accusing her of being anything other than a revolutionary renegade goddess is likely subject to verbal abuse. She is living in a fantasy world, and so far, she keeps the money rolling in. But she, like Britney Spears shortly into her career, is not surrounded by people who have her best interests at heart. If nobody told her that it sounded like “Express Yourself” — I mean, ‘Express Yourself’ was trending on Twitter on the day that “Born This Way” dropped — then her handlers are either profoundly ignorant of pop history (which is not good), or they are sycophantic yes-men who worship her every move. I’m betting on the latter, and that’s not good for her well-being.

(2) She says that God himself sent her the melody to “Judas.” I suppose that she does identify RedOne with God, given that he is the man behind her the hits that made her famous, such as “Just Dance,” “Poker Face,” “LoveGame,” and “Bad Romance.”  Wait, I think she meant for “Born This Way.” Well, that’s even more embarrassing. But wait — I thought she said that her Little Monsters wrote the album? Now God did. Okay.

(3) The melody of the chorus of “Born This Way” is identical, note-for-note, to the bridge of “Express Yourself,” and the songs are in the same key. Whether she consciously sought to copy the song is one thing, but as an amateur songwriter, I can tell you that we are sometimes inspired by songs when we don’t even realize it. We listen to thousands of songs and what we process isn’t always what we recall at any given moment. But it’s incumbent upon you, when you realize you’ve copied someone, intentionally or not, to admit it and move on. Gaga, of course, cannot do this, because she is nuts.

(4) This woman is going to have a major breakdown within the next three years. She has demonstrated no signs of emotional stability. She’s consumed by her work, but that can’t keep up forever.

Overall? I’m getting worried for this woman’s stability.

The Cover for “Born This Way” Has Arrived…

Brace yourselves for this…

…You know what?

I fucking love it!

It’s hilariously bad in the best sense. It’s self-knowing, which is unusual for her. It’s campy, absurd, and completely over-the-top. I adore this cover.

Of course, the Little Monsters hate it; they wanted something arteestic, which they didn’t get. So, as usual, I’m at odds with the Critters, who have cooked up mad conspiracy theories about how the cover is fake and is all a plot to reenact the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus on Easter. Riiiight…

The cover is real, it’s awesome, and it’s the coolest thing she’s done in a while. Keep it up, Gaga!

PS — I like ‘Judas’ a lot more than I did a couple of days ago. It’s a damn good song; it’s a better version of ‘Bad Romance’ and ‘Poker Face.’ It’s as if RedOne and Gaga decided to remake those two songs but with the aim of getting it right this time. And they did. With the exception of the pretentious, self-indulgent lyrics to the chant, I love the song and have been listening to it a lot.

PPS — Lest you think I’m going soft, I’m not. I’m simply an objective critic and not a blind hater.

Judas Drops…

See below for my initial thoughts on the leaked track (download here), but I have some new points to add:

* The instrumental isn’t as hard-hitting as I was hoping it would be. It’s got a more 80’s vibe than a hard-dance vibe, which is unfortunate, because this song deserves the ‘sledgehammer’ beats that she was promising us. Alas.

* The chorus is very similar, both melodically and sonically, to ‘Poker Face’ and ‘Bad Romance,’ but I actually think that this is its best incarnation. The ‘Woah-oh-oh-oh, I’m in love with Judas’ parts are in particular very good.

* The verses are underwhelming. The instrumental to the verses is menacing, but the lyrics and the speak-sing manner in which she goes about complementing it is simply lacking.

* The bridge is completely incoherent and self-indulgent — typical Gaga garbage. She also made up a new word (‘offensed’ — you mean offended? Did no one notice this?).

* Overall, I’m sure it will be a big hit, mostly because of the sweeping, melodic chorus, which is — just like its genealogy — Poker Face and Bad Romance — a winner. I wonder whether we’ll get Poker Face 4.0 on Gaga’s third full-length album.

Poker Face 3.0 Has Arrived!

Lady Gaga and RedOne are cribbing notes from Dr. Luke! We’ve got a hit song, people — let’s remix it and release it again! ‘Poker Face’ was remixed into ‘Bad Romance,’ and, judging by the snippets of the chorus leaked to us, ‘Judas’ is the latest incarnation of the original hit. This is exactly how I imagined this song sounding when I read the lyrics. Shameless.

It’s damn catchy. Of course it is: it’s ‘Poker Face.’ It will be a big hit, and while critics will point out that she, once again, has copied an old hit, nobody will give a damn.

By the way, what the fuck is that middle-eight chant?:

In the biblical sense, I am beyond repentance. ‘Fame hooker,’
‘prostitute wench,’ ‘vomits her mind.’ But in the cultural
sense, I just speak in the future tense. Judas
kiss me if offenced, Don’t wear ear
condom next time.

Um ‘offensed’ is not a word. And we can add ‘ear condom’ and ‘fame hooker’ to ‘government hooker’ in the ‘trying too hard’ department.

Apparently her label might release it to iTunes today. Let’s see if it can topple the S&M remix’s sales count in just three days in the same way that ‘Born This Way’ stormed the charts. My best guess? It probably will. Guess we’ll see…